//currently listening to... you don't want to know//
Day 1 of podcast movement is upon us and anxiety levels are through the roof. When I was younger, I was a total extrovert. I THRIVED on being the center of attention. And people actually thought I was funny. It was a good deal. I was never one to say funny things, but I guess I just did funny stuff. Not to compare myself to Jim Carey, but you know, that physical kind of humor.
As I got older and started hanging out with people who were actually hilarious, I started to become more introverted. I felt I was too old to do the manic physical humor, and I had nothing much to contribute to a funny conversation; so I kind of just stopped talking.
15 years later, I'm sitting in the bathroom of a convention center, like Cady Heron in Mean Girls at the first day of her new school, just avoiding people. Kind of defeats the whole purpose of being here, yeah? It's more or less because my shirt is pretty soaked in sweat currently, and I'm hoping I just need a second to cool down from the half mile walk from my hotel room. I couldn't afford the rooms AT the convention center, so I found a place down the road for 1/4 the price. Sweet!
It's going to take some time to get to a place where I feel comfortable just walking up and talking to people, but it looks like I'm going to have to start today. I'm here to build relationships and network, as much as I am trying to learn new things that will help grow my company.
This is a very important trip, that if executed properly, can be the difference between success and failure. Not that the whole thing rides on that, but if I keep telling myself I'll fail if I don't open up to people, maybe I'll actually do it.
It just seems there are a lot of people here with friends and their respective cohosts, and I'm just here by myself. That, in addition to a pet peeve is what's making me feel so self conscious right now.
Being in bands over half my life, I've always been driven crazy by people inflating their status/popularity. I know it's a defense mechanism, but it causes me to downplay everything I do. Almost like I need to talk down on myself for fear that people thing I'm exaggerating or embellishing.
These complexes really take over, man. I'm sure it's something nearly everybody lives with, but I need to just get out of my head, and possibly out of this bathroom stall. Pretty sure the guy next to me is throwing up, so at least I'm not feeling as bad as he is. That's good right?
Until next time,